Things a Fire Emblem Character Would Never Say
by Blazing Kusanagi
Summary: They would never say that... I don't know why I wrote this since I am not much of a comedy writer.


Disclaimer: I don't own fire emblem (I don't think these are really necessary)

These are quotes that f.e. character would never say in their whole lives.

Eliwood – Hey! Intelligent Systems! Why did you give me such mediocre stats except luck! I'm the main character and I hold a freakin' Blazing Sword! I deserve more than this you know!

Lyn – Screw Sacae, I'm going to live with my grandfather

Hector - I miss my mommy and daddy… but I can see the future! (B support with Eli)

Marcus – I am the overlord of the fire emblem universe! I make people lose precious experience points! I waste weapon usage! I hit enemies and when they only have one or two health points and I hit them again! I have purple hair (WTF)!

Lowen – I need a haircut (after haircut) I can see!

Rebecca – Hey Dan…I mean…Dart! How many times do I have to tell you that you're my brother, darnit!

Dorcas – Eliwood, I work for you for money not my wife…W..wait I was just kidding! Plus, stop calling me dork-ass!

Bartre – Wahahaha! Wario is here! Oh yeah…I don't have a moustache yet…

Oswin – No Hannah, I'm not married but…I'm only in my thirties!

Matthew – Guy, you are no longer my slave (Guy rejoices)

Serra – …………….. (Impossible!)

Guy – (is riding a horse) Wait! I don't know how to ride horses! (Falls off…sucker)

Merlinus – Heh…fools…my guise as a simple merchant has tricked you… I am actually Nergal's husband! (everyone gasps)

Erk – I casts the spells that makes the peoples fall down

Priscilla – Why do I have a feather on my ear? Get lost Darin, you freakin' lecherous bastard!

Florina – Is my Pegasus Makar or Huey?

Kent – Hey ladies, you wanna go out with me tonight? (Gets slapped by Sheeda, Arya, Eyvel, a villager, Clarine, Lilina, another villager, Rebecca, Florina, Limstella, Sonia, Lucius, Eirika, Natasha, Tana, Mist, Lethe, Nephenee, the mysterious girl from fire emblem wii and every other girl in the Fire Emblem series)

Sain – Kent, please be more mature. You're setting a bad example for the Caelin Knights

Wil – I hate NOA translators…my name should be Will!

Raven – I agree with Wil…How the heck is my name Raven? I'm a man you retards!

Lucius – (eyes turn red) I'm not a woman, I'm a man!

Canas – Hey! Screw you and Shut the hell UP! Also I'm Dark Cho Hakkai (Saiyuki)!

Dart - #!$#!$#!#$!#...I'm a nice guy $#!$#!$#!#!...

Fiora – Duty is everything! Duty is everything! Snoore…

Legault – I love you Heath… (kisses Heath)

Nils – I'll Kill You! (Starts whacking brigand with flute)

Ninian – I don't have any idea how my dance makes people move again… It will be a mystery to this day…

Isadora – I hate being dejected by fire emblem players (she can't accept fate, can she?)…

Heath – No! I WON'T KILL YOU…you're a woman…I can't kill a woman, Lucius.

Rath – Why does my horse neigh every time I get a critical?

Hawkeye – (Looks down at the piece of cloth he wears) I hate windy days…

Wallace – Forget you, Lyn, I'm retired! And you have the worst eyes ever!

Geitz – I hate pirates… Especially ones that are named after weapons!

Pent – Yeahh! Pent-up rage!

Louise – Hellene, you're so lucky… You're the queen of Bern….I'm just a Marquioness…I can't even spell that word

Harken – Lord Elbert…I will serve you at all costs… Oh yeah…he's dead

Karel – Ahhhh…The feeling of fresh blood as it licks my Wo Dao. My blade of blood makes me…sick. If you'll excuse me, I'll be throwing up forever

Farina – I'm giving all the money I have to charity!

Nino – (drunk) Heeey Black Fang! You'se gonna pay for killing my real parents!

Jaffar – (this section is left blank since there are too many words Jaffar wouldn't say)

Vaida – What? A scar on my beautiful face and leg! Canas probably gave it to me… He scares me (she probably would say that if she saw him cast Luna or Fenrir)

Karla – (Laughs at Bartre) I can't believe I'm married to this idiot

Renault – I have the highest magic strength in the game (is Luna'd by Canas)

Athos – Burn to oblivion! Mwahahahah!

Tactician – I don't know why I'm in this fanfic… I still don't understand what a ger is.


End file.
